As time went on, I could feel that God had really healed a huge part of me, but there was still one part that I didn’t feel quite right about and that was forgiving the person who had initiated the abuse, I often prayed about it but it didnt feel heartfelt or like it really meant anything, but God was working on changing that too.
So like I mentioned in my last post I had a tough time of trusting people again, especially men (and I am not trying to give men a bad rap here,my personal experience with men wasn’t always so good, therefore I put them all into one category and it wasn’t good) anyway God has healed that part of my heart and I learned that people can be trusted, but it took me awhile to learn that; in fact, God is still teaching me things in this specific area.
And the loneliness was something that I needed to deal with time and again, living alone wasn’t exactly ideal for me at the time, but I made do. I hated being alone and yet, I didn’t ‘Wana bother’ anyone, so I just tried to cope the best I could. A kind friend helped me understand that ‘not wanting to bother’ anyone could actually be a form of pride. The truth is we all need fellowship with our brothers and sisters in Christ and my pride was keeping me from admitting that I needed people to encourage me and help me keep going on the lonely days.
In this time of healing, I began to understand the power of prayer and how much comfort is in the Word of GOD, like there were so many things I could find in the Bible that spoke to me about the very thing that I was dealing with. Hallelujah! It was like a switch was flipped, I loved reading scripture and talking about spiritual things.
So about 15-18 months later I was asked to attend a youth retreat, but I declined twice, finally after being asked the third time, I decided maybe I should go. So I checked with my work schedule and it looked impossible, but God intervened and it worked out so that I could go. I knew that after that much indecision of going and then God intervening like He did, there was something special going to happen, I just didn’t quite expect it to all take place like it did.
So leading up to this retreat, I had kind of developed this mindset of; I have quite a testimony, my life is in order, and so I am just gona go enjoy this retreat. Well God intervened once again and totally uprooted my so called ‘orderly life’
So this retreat is pretty amazing, the speakers were incredible and the presence of God was definitely there. So the third night, as the speaker was preparing to share the message with us, I was praying that God would open my heart and ears to receive what He wanted me to hear. Suddenly God spoke to me, and the command was so clear,
“I want you to share your testimony with this crowd.”
I was so startled by it that I actually started shaking. I knew I had to be obedient and so at the first opportunity there was, I stood to my feet, shaking like a leaf, faced the crowd and shared parts of my journey with them. I had horrible stage fright, I was crying and I could barely talk, but I managed to get some words out. I sat back down, feeling pretty vulnerable and odd, and if I only knew what was ahead, I would have probably felt a lil better about it all.
Anyway, I managed to collect myself as they dismissed us for a short time. The best was still to come and I can’t wait to share that with y’all.😊
To be continued…